Today is Saturday, I am home alone with my 5 sick children again. Being the spouse of a soldier shouldn't mean that I should have to be a single parent, yet thats how I feel. Everyday is the same thing over and over it becomes unrewarding. Some people think how can you say that? It's very simple, I have nothing of my own, I have no time for me, I am busy all day with my kids that by the time my husband gets home I am so tired I just want to shower and go to bed. I don't hate my life, I know it could be much worse, but at the same time I know it could be much better. Every day its something, an unexpected meeting, traffic, training there is ALWAYS something, and I am suppose to just smile and say no problem, only I can't. I get so sick and tired of being the lacky that sometimes it's just not worth it to me to be a spouse anymore. I tried to go back to school but it was just to much, my homework, kids, and never knowing if I can trust that my husband is going to be home at a certain time made it pretty much impossible anyway, it was adding one more stress factor I didn't really need. I get that being a military spouse meant there would deployments but come on if they are not deployed a little consideration for family would be great.
Being at DLI makes you really take into consideration if military life is really worth it. Husband up and gone by 6 doesn't get home till 6 that leave 1 hour for him to see his children before they go to bed for the night,3 hours of homework, then we have the Saturday " training session" which is really lets waste the Company money and drive 2 hours away to play on an obstacle course while the family sits at home on the weekend the only real time the kids have with their father. There are a few exceptions to the rule, if you are E7 and above you are apparently better than everyone else and are not subject to Saturday training,daily formations or company pt, apparently 13 years in the Army doesn't mean shit and your just another expendable soldier and I mean that literally. Since being here I have watched soldier after soldier have their career ruined over some trumped up fraternization charge, because the COL seems to think he has to prove he is a hard ass. I know first hand the shit they pull, they tried it with my husband. They are on another planet here, their own rules and there is no one here who is going to tell them they can't. so if you object to their policies or what they are doing they will surely teach you a lesson, again more stress.
Recently a COL's wife lost it and did the unthinkable, she killed her children. People look at her and judge, I don't, I understand what it means to be a military spouse, Not that I agree with what she did one bit, but I understand that everyone has a breaking point, just so happens her breaking point was loosing all mental being she had and went off the deep end. My breaking point will end in divorce. Is it selfish that I feel like I deserve a life too? People will say it is but in the end if I don't take care of myself I cant take care of my family. I don't want my life to be miserable for the next 10 years, I only have one life why should it be miserable? I love my husband don't get me wrong, I just don't love his career, I don't like that he doesn't have a choice in whether or not to be home with his family over a weekend without being threatened with an Article 15, it shouldn't be that way. I really have to think about what is really going to make me happy right now and not worry about everyone else's thoughts and feelings are.
